I don't wanna
by Snow Tigra
Summary: Just exploring L's thoughts. Minor spoilers. LightxL... possibly WatarixL depending on how you look at it


Title: I don't wanna  
Author: Snow Tigra  
Pairings: LightxL… possibly WatarixL, depending on how you look at it.  
Summary: Just exploring L's thoughts   
Warnings: Minor spoilers for the series, nothing major. Yaoi implied but not shown. 

Hours passed before he finally gave into the urge.

He watched the three video screens in front of him, all but one of their pictures black. In front of him, on the middle screen, Yagami Light was curled up in the corner of his cell, his hands cuffed behind his back as the night wore on in silence. L's hand drifted, once again, to the empty doughnut box, coming back with only a finger full of sprinkles and cold chocolate frosting. He placed the finger in his mouth, frowning at the thought of the box being empty and needing another at 4 am in the morning. No place delivered this late, least not anywhere with anything sweet.

His eyes drifted again to the screen with the quiet image of Light as he somehow managed a fitful sleep on the cold floor. Light never once touched the bed in the room, which only struck L as a little odd, but instead he opted to sit and lie on the ground as he waited the verdict on his own being Kira. That's what it had come down to, after all, a game of waiting to see who was right, and who was wrong.

His eyes focused on Light's sleeping face, watching the images of him resting peacefully as he sucked on his finger.

L's mind drifted back to the soft sounds from the room around him. Both of the remaining cops on the case were camped out on the floor, snoring peacefully in their sleeping bags with their rumpled suits. From the bedroom, behind him, there was also the faint snoring that he recognized so clearly from the previous years of his life, and that was the sound L focused on. Rarely did he need such a sense of familiar comfort as now... when he was confused.

L couldn't remember the last time he'd been so completely confused about a case. But this Kira... he was smart, cunning and able to do things that L couldn't readily explain. At least, at this juncture, discovering how Kira killed people wasn't his main goal so he could worry about that later. But the problem of discovering who Kira was, was stumping him to no end. Especially now that the killings had stopped and Light was imprisoned in front of him. He had to be Kira...

Light was Kira.

L frowned and finally pulled his finger from his mouth, punching the button to turn off the screen. The room around him was bathed in darkness as he slid out of his chair, his bare feet picking their way around the floor and sleeping bodies to find the doorway to the bedroom. Once there he quietly closed the door and waited for his eyes to adjust to the peaceful darkness.

A suit lay on the chair, perfectly folded and pressed waiting to be worn the next day. The familiar hat sat on the top of the chair, while the polished shoes were tucked just under it out of the way. A musty smell of cologne filled the room, originating from the bed and just the tiniest bit noticeable. Watari had worn that cologne for all his life that L had known him... it was his natural smell by now.

Watari's room, even when it was rented from a hotel, was always the image of perfection. Not a single speck of dust was out of place and the old man slept perfectly on his back, like the dead, barely seeming to be alive save for the rise and fall of his chest. But that was perfect for L... perfect for what he wanted.

Sliding back the quilt, he slipped into the bed, his bare toes curling as he felt the soft downy underside of the quilt. Not even bothering to change out of his sweatshirt and jeans, he curled next to Watari sliding his arm over the old man's perfectly pressed pajamas. The cologne was intense and heady for a moment, then L relaxed, becoming accustomed to the smell. He snuggled closer, letting his mind unwind from the day's thoughts as the old man shifted beneath him and one of his worn and leathery skinned hands rested across L's back.

"Did you run into some trouble?"

L shook his head, closing his eyes. He wasn't used to lying down at all, and it took him a while to become comfortable with the unfamiliar position.

"What's on your mind then?"

L frowned, biting his lower lip. He didn't want to voice his doubts to the room and he certainly didn't want to voice his fears when someone else could hear. But it had been building for days, months and he couldn't stop thinking about it anymore. He was distracted and he knew it wouldn't be long before it started to affect his work, his thoughts, the whole case. He couldn't afford for that to happen.

"Yagami-kun."

"Ah. I see." The old man shifted again, this time both arms sliding around L to comfort him. L imagined he was back at the Wammy House, curled up in Watari's old creaky and worn bed, laying silently next to him, on the nights when one thought or another wouldn't leave his mind. Did Watari really see? Could he really understand what was going through L's head at that moment? "Is it how you feel about him?"

"I... don't want him to be Kira."

"Of course you don't." One of those old hands slid through L's hair and he sighed softly, relaxing more. "He reminds me a lot of you and the others."

"But he is Kira."

Watari smiles, holding L even closer. "You're the one deciding that, not me."

"I don't wanna." L's voice became younger, softer, more personal.

"I know you don't. So I suppose the better question at this point isn't who Kira is... but whether you care for him... even if he might be Kira."

L frowned and closed his eyes, already feeling sleep curling up around him. "Maybe... he should just kill me."

He fell asleep listening to Watari chuckle. "That solution is just too easy, even for you."


End file.
